No milk for you

The greatest trick the Devil ever played was making adult cats lactose intolerant.

Or was it Brahma? Or Zeus? Yahweh, Atum, Ra, or Ometeotl? It doesn't really matter if it was a greater being or a random chance of molecules and particles smashing together to cause such a disturbing occurrence (and what Greater Being is there other than a cat, anyways) - adult cats should absolutely not be lactose intolerant.

Kittens don't know how good they have it: they're full of lactase, the enzyme required to break down lactose so they can drink all the milk they want and then BAM one day it's like NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, you're an adult cat with adult cat responsibilities and suddenly milk can't be digested and it ferments in your digestive tract and leads to l'il toots, pain, and suddenly you're vomiting and leaving runny poops in your human's $600 Mark Jacob Wave Kisslock bag.

I had a human cousin that occasionally fed me strawberry-milk. It was heaven. I knew it was so I would pay him attention (I am very finicky when it comes to my time and what humans I spend my awake-time with) but this strawberry-milk was incredible. Just the tiniest drops were heaven on my wee tongue. And it led to the most incredible strawberry-milk-poops-and-pukes. They were masterful. Works of art.

Sometimes you just have to lean into it. Especially if you're not the one who has to... deal with it.

That's the great thing about being a cat. Perhaps that's the trade off. We can't drink milk but... we don't have to do anything else either. Ever.